mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish i was in the wii world.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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