he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize