Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
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She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
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He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
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