I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
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He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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