the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
