I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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