the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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