Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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