I need to stop coming to work sober
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
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He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
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We don't watch enough power rangers
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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