I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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