the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
