Porn is love you can see.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
