My girlfriend figured out who you are.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
