Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my being single is dangerous.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
