I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
