It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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