His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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