I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
