you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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