I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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