im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
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