help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
