Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
