i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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