i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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