This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
