I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
