you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
