The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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