So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
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I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
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The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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