I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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