so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
