I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize