Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
