I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
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I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
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If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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