so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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