u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize