I looked at my own cervix.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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