remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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