i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
