pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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