It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
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Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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