Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The air was thick with penises
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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