Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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