What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
