I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
