capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
