So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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