don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
