someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
