The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
