I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
