Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize