Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
