Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He felt like a one man threesome
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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