Already got asked if we're dating
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
false alarm, still single
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
