How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
