actually, I'm a sock model
So drunk its hurt
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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