I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
