Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize