my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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