did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
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she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
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Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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