well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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