Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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